Everything

I can feel the warmth of your breath
through the chink in my armor;
your heart so close to mine that
the beats fall in and out of sync. 

The comfortable heat incites both
a thrill and a terror inside me.
Now the moment of decision:
Do I run or do I stay?

There's a million things inside me
you should fear.  Demons with
sunken eyes swallowed by shadows
in dark corners.

But. 

Would you just be afraid?
Or could you be the one that takes
me by the hand and whispers that
we'll fight them together?

And when I could finally burst
from my cages and chains I would
hold you tight and love you
with everything that I am.

 For that chance I would tear
open my chest and let you
examine my heart. A single
moment of infinite vulnerability.

Because maybe you
are
my everything.

Hide and Seek

Some who hide
 do not desire to be found.

---

I have always been partial
to hiding.
 
Hiding where it's dark,
and sometimes cold,
but it's worth it.

They all whisper
when they can see me.
So I hide somewhere deep,

because then they can't
see the fear in my eyes.

I run internally from
the people, the trials
and often forced smiles.

The key to hiding is
for no one to know you're hiding.

Show them only the surface.
Let them only see an inch of
what I really am:

Terrified of my potential,
for darkness or for light.

In that way even when they
see me and speak to me
I'm not truly there.

I slowly mastered this game
every time I felt threatened.

Every time I was pushed down,
put down, teased, bullied,
laughed at or punished.

But more, even, when I let down
those who were around me.

Eventually it consumed me.
For when you hide from
yourself, within yourself,

You can lose yourself.
And that's when it gets scary.

To remember who you really
are requires you to tear
down the very walls you built

to keep everyone out.
The walls made of whispers

and lies that cover up
all of your flaws. All of your
insecurities and doubts.

To tear them down is to leave
yourself completely vulnerable.

I ask you this, is it better to be
lonely,
vulnerable,
or invisible?

I have always been partial
to hiding.

Leave it Behind

Leave it Behind
     
      The breath of your last word fades away. You can see the pain in her eyes, and feel it in yours. You knew it would end this way some day, but she held on like a vine; the kind of vine that you never pulled away from because it seemed a shame to break its delicate, wandering stems.
      You tear your gaze from her glistening eyes, take a step back. You reach behind you and grab the brass knob to the back door. Your wrist turns to stone. Every memory you've shared courses through your vision, a waterfall of moments. She whispers, soft as silk, "Please don't go."
       Here is the moment. The awful moment when you choose to either turn your back on someone that once gave you happiness, or fall back into her now suffocating arms.

      You turn the knob. The door creaks open. The sunlight is freedom on your face.

      You turn back for one last look and she is no longer the gentle young lady you once held close. Her face contorts, disfigures. All beauty melts away. Her grace disappears, leaving only an unnatural frame behind, looking more like a beast than the woman you knew before. Yet it's still the same voice that whispers, "You won't go."
      It's not a plea this time. She rushes at you, startlingly quickly. You should never have turned back for one last look. It holds you by your hair, sickly sweet voice whispering of love in your ear. Fear courses through you as you struggle. Long, coarse fingers wrap around your neck, choking the life from your lungs.
      You can no longer just struggle. You must fight. With all of the strength you can muster you rip its fingers from your throat and throw it from you. Without a moment to spare you fly through the door, slamming it shut behind you.
      All you can think to do is to run. Run as far and as fast as you can.
      Once your legs can carry you no further, only then can you bring yourself to turn around. In the distance you can still clearly see the house. And in the window you can see the girl with the glistening eyes. Hoping patiently for your return.